Every Little Thing She Does

Though I've tried before to tell her
Of the feelings I have for her in my heart
Every time that I come near her
I just lose my nerve as I've done from the start

• The Police, Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic, 1981

Love songs stop short. They talk about the chase, the hunt, and always have. But the real song is in the keeping, and I tell you plainly that Proverbs 18:22 has been a common refrain throughout 26 years of married life. What, art thou a heathen? Here:

He who finds a wife finds what is good
and receives favor from the Lord.

The Lord must truly love me, because He gave me far more than I deserve. I have a wife who has a goal of being a good wife. She takes it seriously, she's very intelligent and she studies the concept.

I told her thank you, recently, as thoughts like this welled up, and she said "What'd I do?" And a part of my brain seized. How do you answer that?

What don't you do?

• I'm not a healthy person. I'm basically bed ridden most days (although I fight to keep working), and seeing that breakdown, cleaning up after it, wanting to break down yourself, suspecting I could just.. get.. over it.. And never showing that. Dealing with it anyway. Taking care of me. That takes a strength few have; hiding the weaker moments takes a resolve that few have, and the devotion in that... When I said I wasn't deserving, I wasn't joking.
• Eight children. A lifetime of devotion, even with me as sick as I am, still carrying on, and loving them as much, if not (rightfully) more than me.. It boggles the mind that anyone could have such depth.
• You're funny. And I don't mean either disrespect nor goofiness; you are cerebrally funny, and you make me laugh.
• You get me. The crotchety old man, the goof ball, the occasionally frightened man; you've seen every side of me, warts and all, and you accept the whole package.
• You root for me. That should be table stakes in a marriage. It so often isn't, and while you've the wit for a razor tongue if you had the inclination to wield one, you don't. Even when you're angry, even when you're disappointed.
• You challenge me. Always respectfully, always skillfully, never publicly, always positively. As Nicholson said in As Good As It Gets, "You make me want to be a better man." And that has as much to do with how much I respect you as it does about that challenge. You are intellectually fascinating, and as I've told the kids, "Find someone you would talk to for the rest of your life, because you will." And I did. And I still do.
• You run my household. Better than I ever could; I'm stupid about money, I'm too flakey to regularly take care of business (or I was, long ago; I've grown some), so you just take care of it.
• You care more about my health than my happiness. Yes, that's a good thing. Yes, I appreciate it, because I know it has to do with how much time we have together. Yes, I could do better.

The love songs always stop short. My wife never has, and I don't think I could ever write a song with the music to accompany what she is to me.